*sigh*

I like Obama. I think he is dynamic, attractive, smart, and would make a good leader. But really... I think the dems are gonna lose this one. As the Daily Show has put it: it's only a matter of time until the Democrats once again snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. And what really pisses me off about this is that I don't think the Repucblicans/Conservatives have to do anything.

He's
Doing
It to
Himself.

Now a point on the last one. In 2004, John Kerry won support, in my opinion, because of statements like this:

"I'm tired of these Republicans who spend so much time denigrating Democrats and other people's commitment to the defense of our nation," Kerry said at a rally on the campus of the University of Pittsburgh. "I'm tired of Karl Rove and Dick Cheney and a bunch of people who went out of their way to avoid their chance to serve when they had the chance. I went [to Vietnam]. I'm not going listen to them talk to me about patriotism." (Washington Post) This statement held a certain truthiness for me, and I remember hearing him say it and thinking "Yeah!" Then he caved on the Swiftboat ads.

I really think that Americans respond to politicians who take on the stupidity of Americans. Now, Obama's made a couple gaffes. (See that horrible seal). And, yes, he is struggling with the Secret Muslim charges. But still, he needs to come out swinging, and he needs to stick to his gun. The flag pin was the first step on his downward spiral. Speaking as a former servicemember and veteran, his statement that wearing a flag pin is not true patriotism inspired the same "Yeah!" response as Kerry's statement. Then he went and put on a flag pin. Now he's turning down the endorsement of a liberal, Democrat, politician, just because he happens to be Muslim. This just makes him appear scared. And we defeinitely don't want a scared president.

How Many Soldiers are There Really?

So, this thought combines a number of different elements:

1) Soldiers are a type
2) Iraqi insurgents believe American casualty numbers are highly deflated
3) There is a strange flashing light on Camp Victory
4) A pretty good movie

So, it goes like this:

While in the Army, and especially on my trips to Iraq, I have noticed that soldiers are a type. In fact, there are about a hundred types (this is a rough estimate). But I have seen Brigmans, Smittys, Silbers, Morinis, Gutierrezs, Me's, Hamiltons, Doties, and only a few more. Sometimes two or three times a day. So, this leads me to my theory: there are really only about a hundred soldiers in the Army, and they just push out clones of them when they need them. Now - I know, how do they do this? We'll get to that later, but for right now, just bear in mind that you are required to have a DNA sample on file with the Army...

Next, according to the insurgents, the American press lies about how many soldiers have died, and in fact MANY more soldiers have been killed by them over the years. Yes, I know, this sounds kind of silly, as lying in this case is definitely in their interests to make themselves sound more badass than they actually are. And, of course, there seems to be a long tradition of this in the Iraqi culture... However, let's assume for the moment that our press agents really are in collusion with the government:

What is happening to our troops in Iraq that even though we are losing huge numbers in insurgent attacks, we still have a relatively constant size force in Iraq?

Well, it all goes back to that mysterious flashing light. You see, my friends and I have, at various times, noticed a strange, very quick, very bright, flash at night on Camp Victory. Unfortunately, it was always out of the corners of our eyes. Well, one night, while walking home at 2 in the morning to my tent, I happened to be facing exactly the right direction, and I see a massive lightning bolt arc UP from behind one of the headquarters (I won't mention which one, because then the insurgents will know which one to hit). Ah-ha! Apparently we're running some kind of large Tesla machine there, but for what purpose?

Now, we get to it - go watch the movie mentioned above, and it all becomes clear! We are cloning soldiers, then when they get hit by an IED or an incoming attack, pushing a clone out of the Tesla machine on Camp Victory!

This post is intended in every way to be humorous. I am not making light of soldiers deaths, body counts, or any other statistic produced by the American Press.

No soldiers were harmed in the making of this post.

Pursuant to 18 U.S.C. ó 2257 all bloggers and soldiers depicted in this post are over the ago of 18.

Back

So, I will hopefully be updating this a bit more often, I'm trying to get in to a regular schedule of work again, and I've noticed that working on this blog was part of my schedule before.

So - I was watching the news (Daily Show - counts as news), and I've noticed something. Apparently Afghanistan is back in the news and important. And how do I know this? Well, I've noticed a very interesting trend in American news coverage. And more specifically, the pronunciations in said news. I first noticed this during the late eighties/early nineties, climaxed by the Tailhook scandal, and harassment became hare-iss-ment. So, context established, I noticed that in news reports the "Talibon have reappeared in Afghanistan" (I'm not going to bother typing a phonetic for Afghanistan because it has been pronounced so many different ways by so many different people). So, by my logic, Afghanistan has come back to the news.

I don't know whether that's a good thing or not, I'll leave it up to smarter minds.

Oh, and Lara Logan is smoking hot. Sorry to objectify.

Christian Punk'D?!?!?!?

So, I'm reading this Slate article about Christian something or other (rock, etc.) And they mention that there's a Chrsitian version of Punk'd - with the following example:

"In one episode of Prank 3:16, the pranksters fake the Rapture and throw their victim into a panic because she's afraid she's been left behind."

Guess she should read more Tim Lahaye...

And unfortunately, her insight about Christian rock in this context is hardly new and enlightening, even in Slate. Take this description: "You shoehorn a message that's essentially about obeying authority into a genre that's rebellious and nihilistic, and the result can be ugly, fake, or just limp" and then compare Rob Long's discussion of Christian rock and why it is creepy: "rock music—and most other forms of entertainment, when you really think about it—is fundamentally about carnal desire. And Jesus, when you really think about it, is fundamentally not."

Pretty much the same stuff. Rock music is sex, drugs, and rock and roll. (Hurm, that's a bit redundant, I guess). Christian rock is no-sex-before-marriage, body-is-a-temple, and well, I guess rock and roll?

So, maybe what the Christian rockers need to do is rather than steal from regular rock, look a bit more underground... is there Christian punk? Cause they could totally steal from these guys

John Boyd on Numb3rs!

As I've said a number of times, I am a big fan of John Boyd. Well, I missed last week's episode of Numb3rs, and I just got around to watching it On Demand. Anyways, Charlie hands a pamphlet to Colby, who looks at it and says "OODA Loop?" And Charlie says "It was actually invented by a fighter pilot who used it for air combat." Now Colby responds "My specialty was ground combat." Like that explains why the supposed former Marine officer in Afghanistan engaged in special operations wouldn't have heard of the OODA Loop. And, unfortunately, they don't even mention Boyd's name...

Oh well, at least the OODA Loop got some mention - although again, I wish they would pay attention to the ODA vs OODA loop. I mean, who really needs the second O, in a theory which attempts to speed up the reaction time of a warfighter?

I went to a show and saw Matt Lesko

Oh yeah, and Eddie Izzard was there. He was very funny (as expected), and I think he was wearing lipstick. I know what you're thinking - he's Eddie Izzard, why wouldn't he be wearing lipstick? He's a transvestite! (Actually, he's a transvestite executif). Well, the thing is, this tour he's just wearing normal clothes. Well, normal if you count jeans, a black t-shirt, and tails with red velvet lining normal. For the record, when he came out, my friend Dan leaned over to me and says "He's got your sense of fashion." So, yes, to me that would be a normal outfit. Sans lipstick.

And, I have a question... who spends at least $50 to see a show and doesn't even know what the show is? And I mean, literally DOES NOT KNOW. The people sitting behind us, in between chatting about housing repairs they were doing on their respective homes, turn to someone sitting beside them and say "so who is this guy anyway?" And the response "He's a comedian" seems to totally satisfy them. WTF??? Can you get season tickets to DAR Hall or something? Who would do something like that?

Only one Riches joke, but lots of jokes about God. And dinosaurs going to church. And wikipedia. And apparently Eddie Izzard is a Mac user...

But, really, more important than Mr. Izzard (write FX, make certain his show gets picked up for Season 3!), is the fact that Matthew Lesko was there. And if you think jeans and tails is off, you shoulda seen his outfit. It was actually a very respectable greyish-blue wool suit, with bright silver question marks. Kinda made my night.

I See Hot People

Sp, one thing about being in Iraq for such a long time is that your hot-meter gets all sorts of out of whack. On my first contract there were only a few attractive women, and on the second one, although there were more, they were all soldiers, and anyone who has seen a woman wearing ACUs knows that no matter what they look like underneath, with the uniform on, they all look like this . (By the way, do you have any idea how hard it is to find pictures of female soldiers? Try typing the search into google search, you get lots of maxim articles...)

So, point being, I come home, and it's like everywhere I go, I see attractive women. I went to the Container Store and Barnes and Noble last night and they were EVERYWHERE. Then this afternoon, I go to the post office, stop at the little dive next door for some lunch, and there are incredible hotties in there, too. Now, since I know (based on the incredibly scientific survey techniques of Travel and Leisure magazine) that Washington, DC is the second least attractive city in the US. So these can't be objectively attractive women all over the place. I must be ewaring my desert-goggles or something. Shoot, I don't even notice the nose thing anymore...