So, I'm back here in wonderful Columbus, GA. I mean, really, if you have the means, I highly recommend it. Really, and there is no sarcasm here. It's just Heaven on Earth down here.
Aside from the heat. And humidity.
Now, here's a funny thing about Columbus, GA. They have two Applebees. Maybe some people are fans of this place, possibly because of their great salad bar. But as white trash restaurants go, Applebees is right there on the top of the list. Some might say Waffle House, but since I think Waffle House is simply awesome, I can't label it as such.
Moving on. The title of this post is an inside joke for everyone who has ever heard me talk about Basic Training. Something happened while I was there which became a source of amusement for me, all of my teammates, and pretty much anyone else I talked to about it. So, if you've heard it, skip ahead.
It was the last week of Basic, everyone had relaxed a bit, and I was on an early morning ice run with my drill sergeant. (No battle buddy, that's what happens at the end of Basic). I know my family is coming down, and all the restaurants the senior drill had recommended for family day were, well, bad. (Golden Corral, Red Lobster, Applebees) My father likes good food. Not necessarily white linen $100 a plate food, but good food. So I ask my drill sergeant if there are any nice restaurants in Columbus I can go with my family. His response, and I SWEAR TO GOD THIS IS TRUE, was "You mean besides the Red Lobster?" I love this story because it sums up the general attitude and background of almost every drill sergeant at Basic Training. Call me elitist, I don't care, but when Red Lobster is your idea of fine dining, there's something not quite right.
So, this evening, I need to run out to Kinkos to print some stuff up, and I figure as long as I am out, I will get some real food to eat, and I look up local restaurants to find something decent. I'm not looking for anything really nice, by the way (not Red Lobster nice, at least), so I end up going to TGI Fridays. Which happens to be, you guessed it, right next to the Red Lobster. And a Chili's. And a Barnes and Noble. Frankly, this TGI Fridays is in The Biggest Strip Mall Known To Man. This strip mall was so big, they had a Sears. It literally trailed off into the distance so badly I couldn't see what was on the other side of the Sears. It was like one of those big Mills Outlet Malls, but outside instead of in (I guess Georgians like the heat so much they hate the idea of walking around inside an air conditioned building while shopping). There was a Carabba's, an Olive Garden, a couple other decent places. And one of TWO, yes TWO! Wal-Marts in Columbus (I think that might be for a different blog, though).
So, maybe I misheard my drill sergeant. Maybe he didn't say "Besides the Red Lobster." Maybe he said "Beside the Red Lobster."
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Building Gnomes
I don't believe it, actually. I think that in the last seven years the building gnomes have been hard at work. I doubt that any of that strip mall actually existed except maybe the Hobby Lobby.
I hate that store, it's almost as badly named as Stoner's Pot Palace.
I hate that store, it's almost as badly named as Stoner's Pot Palace.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Sketchiest Physical Ever
So, I'm heading back to the wonderful fun in the sun place we all like to refer to as the sandbox.
In order to do this, I need to have a physical and a dental exam. Now - there are three classes of dental readiness, 1, 2, and 3. Class 1 is perfect teeth. Class 3 is teeth so bad you can't deploy because you might have an abscess that leads to an aneurysm and you die. Class 2 is EVERYTHING in between. And I mean everything. We had a guy in my Reserve Unit whose teeth were literally falling out of his jaw, they were so bad. I think at point he mentioned he had not brushed his teeth since he was 13. This man was identified as Class 2.
That little story is to put the next one in perspective.
So I go to get my physical, at a little walk in doctor's office. I mistakenly bring the DA form I got in an email and give it to the doctor. So now she wants to do all sort of stuff, run $300 worth of tests (over and above the tests required by the Army), she's worried about my cholesterol, what have you. And of course, she doesn't speak good english. And I am trying to explain to this woman that all the Army wants to know is that "this person will not keep over and die of a sudden and unexpected heart attack in the next twelve months." That's it. Your teeth can be rotting out of your skull, and they'll take you. They don't care about HDL or LDL or any of that other crap. They just want to know you're not going to die on their watch.
Okay, so that fight's over, we compromise on an additional $30 test so she can sign off on the pulmonary part of the exam. Then I have to get blood drawn. This nurse is the worse phlebotomist ever. Granted, she found the vein on the first try, so I'll give her props for that (but I have good veins for that sort of thing). Then she starts drawing the blood, holding on to the test tube with one hand as well as the little butterfly thing (which as I recall is there so you can just tape down the needle, and reaching across herself with her other hand to grab the next test tube, putting pressure on my arm, and then apparently wondering why the test tube isn't filling up as fast as it should (maybe because you left the rubber band on my arm for two minutes, and now you're pinching off any circulation that might have been getting through...
Okay, so that's done. Let's add up:
attempt to upsell the blood tests
poor bedside manner
horrible phlebotomist
- oh, and terrible customer service.
All this makes it sketchy. But, I have to admit, does not qualify this experience for the sketchiest physical ever.
That accomplishment was reached when I gave my urine sample in a plastic dixie cup and was told to just leave it on the counter.
In order to do this, I need to have a physical and a dental exam. Now - there are three classes of dental readiness, 1, 2, and 3. Class 1 is perfect teeth. Class 3 is teeth so bad you can't deploy because you might have an abscess that leads to an aneurysm and you die. Class 2 is EVERYTHING in between. And I mean everything. We had a guy in my Reserve Unit whose teeth were literally falling out of his jaw, they were so bad. I think at point he mentioned he had not brushed his teeth since he was 13. This man was identified as Class 2.
That little story is to put the next one in perspective.
So I go to get my physical, at a little walk in doctor's office. I mistakenly bring the DA form I got in an email and give it to the doctor. So now she wants to do all sort of stuff, run $300 worth of tests (over and above the tests required by the Army), she's worried about my cholesterol, what have you. And of course, she doesn't speak good english. And I am trying to explain to this woman that all the Army wants to know is that "this person will not keep over and die of a sudden and unexpected heart attack in the next twelve months." That's it. Your teeth can be rotting out of your skull, and they'll take you. They don't care about HDL or LDL or any of that other crap. They just want to know you're not going to die on their watch.
Okay, so that fight's over, we compromise on an additional $30 test so she can sign off on the pulmonary part of the exam. Then I have to get blood drawn. This nurse is the worse phlebotomist ever. Granted, she found the vein on the first try, so I'll give her props for that (but I have good veins for that sort of thing). Then she starts drawing the blood, holding on to the test tube with one hand as well as the little butterfly thing (which as I recall is there so you can just tape down the needle, and reaching across herself with her other hand to grab the next test tube, putting pressure on my arm, and then apparently wondering why the test tube isn't filling up as fast as it should (maybe because you left the rubber band on my arm for two minutes, and now you're pinching off any circulation that might have been getting through...
Okay, so that's done. Let's add up:
attempt to upsell the blood tests
poor bedside manner
horrible phlebotomist
- oh, and terrible customer service.
All this makes it sketchy. But, I have to admit, does not qualify this experience for the sketchiest physical ever.
That accomplishment was reached when I gave my urine sample in a plastic dixie cup and was told to just leave it on the counter.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
silly herbal companies
So, I've already discussed Zicam, and it's particular silliness (although I didn't mention that Rush Limbaugh believes that the FDA going after Zicam is a direct attack against him because of his political views...)
But, I was driving home this afternoon (quick fashion report: SHORT shorts are back, I'm just waiting for the new crop of Nair commercials now), and I hear an ad for a new drug... called Quietus.
Now, this drug supposedly helps you deal with tinnitus, so sure, I can see the ad guys in the room, "Let's do something with Latin, that will make it sound more medicine-ey." "Yeah, so it makes your ears quiet, you know, so how about Quiet-us?" "Excellent, Bill, let's go with that that." (Apparently Bill used to work for the car companies: Integr-a, Acur-a, Sentr-a)
Unfortunately, neither Bill nor his boss seems to have read more than a couple books in their life (or, for that matter, seen Children of Men).
Do you really want to take a drug whose name means death...?
But, I was driving home this afternoon (quick fashion report: SHORT shorts are back, I'm just waiting for the new crop of Nair commercials now), and I hear an ad for a new drug... called Quietus.
Now, this drug supposedly helps you deal with tinnitus, so sure, I can see the ad guys in the room, "Let's do something with Latin, that will make it sound more medicine-ey." "Yeah, so it makes your ears quiet, you know, so how about Quiet-us?" "Excellent, Bill, let's go with that that." (Apparently Bill used to work for the car companies: Integr-a, Acur-a, Sentr-a)
Unfortunately, neither Bill nor his boss seems to have read more than a couple books in their life (or, for that matter, seen Children of Men).
Do you really want to take a drug whose name means death...?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
News tidbits
Fly Clear goes down
Zicam was invented by a crazy. Maybe the FDA should regulate some of our medications... Now, this is a little amusing, but the sheer number of people with degrees from these diploma mills in positions where they can actually do harm disturbs me more than I can possible express.
Zicam was invented by a crazy. Maybe the FDA should regulate some of our medications... Now, this is a little amusing, but the sheer number of people with degrees from these diploma mills in positions where they can actually do harm disturbs me more than I can possible express.
Jason Jones is absolutely The Man
So, I don't exactly when Jason Jones went to Iran to do his pieces for the Daily Show, but, compared to reporting from most other news sources, I have to say that Daily Show's fake news has once again set the bar for "real" news sources.
First, a wonderful piece in which Jones interviews one of the leaders of (presumably) the opposition:
A very good bit of reporting for any news source. However, this clip was then followed by the son of the cleric in question, with probably the best piece of advice for how to handle Iran right now:
First, a wonderful piece in which Jones interviews one of the leaders of (presumably) the opposition:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Jason Jones: Behind the Veil - Persians of Interest | ||||
| ||||
A very good bit of reporting for any news source. However, this clip was then followed by the son of the cleric in question, with probably the best piece of advice for how to handle Iran right now:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Ebrahim Yazdi's Arrest | ||||
| ||||
Fashion Report
Sorry for the lack of updates, recently, so I will break the silence with a new fashion report. In this case, this is not a college girl update, as I sadly no longer spend significant time on campus being a student to observe the fashion trends there. In this case, I have noticed a significant number of women wearing high waisted skirts. Much like white pants, this fashion is only something which a woman with a perfect body can pull off. The slightest bulge in the wrong place becomes over accentuated and it just looks... well, wrong.
What a shame
What a shame
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